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Thursday, September 15, 2005

This one goes to the one who's fat

Awwwwww! Those fat people. Their numbers are increasing by leaps and bounds as I write. Yes, these are the people who occupy more space than they should on this planet. But wait, don't call them fat! It's politically incorrect. They will feel hurt. What crap! Just travel in a Mumbai local train getting squeezed against a fatty and you will know who's politically as well as physically incorrect. Fat people skew the whole dynamics of everyone’s lives. They make drug companies spend billions of R&D dollars for solving their lifestyle disease problems rather than much severe concern areas like malaria or tuberculosis. They raise our insurance premiums. They produce more greenhouse gases (since their metabolism rates are higher). And they put strain on every resource- food, cloth, even petrol.

Atkins, South Beach, Yoga, all have failed to curb their massive onslaught. So what to do? The only possible solution is to “blame and shame” them at every opportunity. Mumbai local train doors should be narrowed so that fat people can't get in. Evangelical channels (which mostly telecast teleshopping solution for fattys) must be shown at all public TV displays. Forget high insurance premiums, they shouldn't be given any insurance. News channels should blame them for everything from Katrina to Iran's nuclear subterfuge. Stray dogs must be trained to bark at them and chase them. They should not be allowed to get into elevators. Others must greet them saying "good morning, fatty" instead of plain "good morning". And finally, astrologers (especially those who appear on morning TV) must forecast certain demise for all fattys unless they fast all days of the week. But fattys are fighting back, as you can read in Jayesh's post.

P.S. Judging by the first few comments, let me clarify that this post is not intended as a statement aginst the obese, but is only my take at humorising the extreme obsession on part of both the fat and non-fat with weightloss in present times.


Gaurav said...

haa! i was trying to imagine what was going thru your mind when you were writing this piece. Certainly, with all this pure abashed atheist bullshit you throw onto the blog with a few glimses of certain logical philosophy, its no wonder you must be feeling a sense of great enthusiasm of releving this world off the fat people. Dude! to be frank this was a bullshit post and by looking at this post a long time question in my mind of how can a human hate another one of his own kind has been resolved. No wonder this world is filled with "racist" like you.

Shivaji said...

@ Gaurav
I am happy that my blog can provoke such strong reactions. (I am sorry if you were hurt by some of the 'bullshit').
By the way, fattys dont constitute a "race". But then of course, you didn't get ANY OF THE PUN INTENDED in this post.
Thanks for your comments though

Jayesh said...

One should also blame the czars of carbohydrates... McDonalds, Pepsis,Haldirams et al for the rise in obesity. But this propaganda against fat people is in bad taste.

Anuradha said...

Just a technical correction, fatty's have low metabolism rate. Infact lot of people are fat only because their metabolism rate goes down.


Gaurav said...

Shivaji... I am glad you took my comment in the right way. What ticked me off is that people (bloggers specially) are actually going to an extent beyond imagination to sound cool and different and attract some traffic. Now at first glance (..also sadly after the tenth glance..)i still dont get the pun intended in your post. However, it is probably my clouded mind that thinks this post on fat people was just to attract people - not a serious attempt to convey something of much more importance. anyways... good work.. just mention 'pun intended' later on for poor literary critics like myself .. lolz

aparna said...

Shivaji, here's a limerick dedicated to your post :-)

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