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"
Journeys with the caterpillar: Travelling through the islands of Flores
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Friday, November 04, 2005

"Cricket Test" for India

The UK authorities have launched a test (questionnaire) that has to be filled by applicants for immigration. Many locals have been aghast that the questionnaire stresses on minor things like: 1) What's the police phone number 2) What's the emergency phone number etc. to test worthiness for citizenship rather than inquiring the extent of the applicant's knowledge about Shakespeare, Queen’s English, cricket etc. Authorities have justified this saying that the test intends to check the preparedness of applicants to live a day to day citizen's life.

I don't know if India has a similar questionnaire for immigration applicants seeking residency in India. It probably doesn't make sense given that most of the immigrants (from Bangladesh, Nepal etc.) simply cross the border. All the same, here are some questions which I believe must be there in case any such questionnaire was to be administered:

1. Where do you spit?
A. Dustbin B. Toilet C. Side of the road D. Middle of the road

2. What do Indians need to say when they are involved in a brawl with a stranger?
A. MC B. BC C. MC/ BC D. Excuse me

3. What is the right thing to do when you see a policeman?
A. Salute B. Ignore C. Pay him Rs 100 D. Ignore

4. Who wrote the national song?
A. Bankim Chatterjee B. A R Rehman C. Baba Sehgal D. Bappi Lahiri

5. Where do you go if you have urgent natures call?
A. Loo B. News Channel station C. Middle of the road D. Side of the Road

6. Who is the most influential politician in India?
A. Govinda B. Navjot sidhu C. Rahul Gandhi D. Smriti Irani

7. Who is the spiritual guide and inspiration of India?
A. Mahesh Bhatt B. Mahesh Bhatt C. Mahesh Bhatt D. All of the options

What are the right answers? If you are worthy of being an Indian citizen,....you know!!!

P.S.: This post is not meant to show India in a frivolous mood. I believe all countries and cultures are largely prone to the same virtues and vices.

3 comments:

Global Indian said...

Hilarious!!

Option E for first question.
On the wall corners in public buildings.

Wish everyone expands on the questionaire with their questions.

My additions:

What do you do when you are struck up in traffic?
A. Blow Horn.
B. Blow Horn and shout MC/BC.
C. Get down and walk.
D. Wait for traffic to clear.

What do you do on a Red Signal?
A. Look on the both sides and move if nobody is coming.
B. Red, Green, Orange, Yellow, whatever.. dont care.
C. Wait for the signal to turn green.

One Helping said...

hehe...! the baba sehgal option is a clincher.

BangaloreGuy said...

7. Who is the spiritual guide and inspiration of India?
A. Mahesh Bhatt B. Mahesh Bhatt C. Mahesh Bhatt D. All of the options


ROFL.
That was good!