In a world of blurbs and trailers

Have you ever considered the daily life of Don LaFontaine, the voice behind over 5000 Hollywood movie trailers? Every morning, as he wakes up and gets about brushing his teeth, does he think, “In a world where bacteria and enamel have been fighting for ages, one man gets up to brush, rinse and defy the enemies….” And then, as he sets about using the toilet paper, does he again begin, “In a world where our filth has a longer history than our faith, one man tears off a strand of toilet paper to fight for his dignity…”

As they say, every rose has its thorn, but then every book has its blurb. And every movie has its trailer. They used to say that one shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but try telling that to a blurb writer or the voice behind a movie trailer. These amazing people see unbelievable glory even in cat poo. These people were born through the power of positive thinking and have lived with the thought ever after. Hang on, before you drift, let me preempt that Norman Vincent Peale is not the genetic father of all blurb writers and background voice artists for movie trailers. After all, the most popular blurb is the Lord’s Prayer from the Sermon on the Mount and all other chants in praise of the lords of the religious.

If only we idiots imbibed a tithe of the qualities of blurb writers and trailer script writers, we would not need to spend billions on useless bodies like the UN Security Council. But blurb writers and movie trailer script writers are considered as important in society as pangolins and their opinion are generally disregarded. But that is natural in our skeptical society which considers even charity as worthy an act as masturbation. But blurb writers and movie trailer script writers do deserve some flak. After all, there must be at least one book in the world whose blurb should read, “Honestly, this book sucks”. And there must also be some movie in the world whose trailer should have said, “In a world where…, one man…., but the makers of the movie screwed up, and you better not be the one man to watch this movie”.

All the same, it is absolutely absurd why every individual is yet to have his or her own blurb or trailer, printed at our front. I have already crafted one for myself, “From the producers of my siblings, blah and blah, comes this man, Shivaji, with charisma and chutzpah, starring myself and introducing myself only. Coming soon to bother you.”

P.S. Image courtesy Rightreading.com