The back side of the man

I suddenly realized that even though I have parents, half of my body is literally an orphan. I am talking about the back side of my body. Like the dark side of the moon, this half of the body is hardly cared for in the course of our normal lives for unless there is back pain. We never face a beautiful sunset with our back, the front being the first to witness any experience of interest. When it comes to avenging, the most glorious of human endeavors, stabbing at the back is considered shameful. The Latissimus Dorsi, the largest muscle in the human body, receives almost no attention from bodybuilders as compared to the extreme pampering reserved for the obliques and the biceps.

And surprising, even the cosmetics industry has ignored 50% of its potential market. Just imagine how wonderful the world would be for L’Oreal if we were to apply toner to the entire back, moisturize it, highlight it finally followed by the makeup remover. At least, the back had the comfort of the “pat on the back” till a few years back. But post Brokeback Mountain and Monica Lewinsky-Clinton episodes, rewards have become strictly restricted to the realm of contact-less salary hikes and GRE scores. The only people to have consistently cared for the back side are the Thai massagers. These massagers, known for their non-discriminatory care for each and everyone, fat or bald, are the only ones who are willing to restore dignity to the back side.

However, the back has not had such a bad time in the past. Until we became bipedal, the back and the front side of the body would receive equal airtime as in the monkeys and apes. And when it comes to common pets like the dogs and the cats, it is the back side that receives most of our caresses.

But as with many things about human evolution there is a possibility that we might be going back to where we started from (For example, there is a theory that our brains will gradually lose its power as educated people have less and less kids compared to illiterate ones). And when it comes to the back side, hip hop videos are now giving disproportionate amount of attention to the back side. This natural selection being imposed on much of human society by the likes of 50 cents and T-pain might eventually restore the glory of the back side. And this fight back from the back side is being led by the heroic Gluteus Maximus. Let’s give it all the squats it needs. Yes, we can.