Bail me out, before you go, go

Everyone is talking about bail-outs. Suddenly the world has become a friendly and reassuring place to live in. $700 billion, $300 billion, $25 billion (stingy Germans): governments worldwide are dishing out all they can to heal the world and make it a better place. To cut costs and rise to the occasion, banks worldwide are firing the junior-most staff and receptionists, the people most responsible for the financial crisis. Governments worldwide are asking citizens to spend, spend and spend so that we can extend the benefits of social security to all our bankers, no matter how wealthy they are. The Federal Reserve, desperate to do anything to rescue our species from extinction, has asked whether it can assign 5^th January also as Christmas day in addition to 26^th December to boost spending and Obama has given them the go ahead by saying “Yes, we can”.

But more needs to be done. After all, the last Spartan of the banking industry, Hank Paulson himself, has lost his job as well (Obama has replaced him with Tim Geithner).The situation is so grim. Some say it’s the worst recession over the last 80 years, some say the worst since the dinosaurs were wiped out during KT extinction period. But where are our NGOs? They cried when they saw pictures of starving children from Darfur. Where are their tears now that Dick Fuld is forced to eat McDonalds’ one dollar burgers after Lehman Brothers fell? Some of them, like Greenpeace got all the camera points when they climbed over Japanese fishing boats to save the whale. Why doesn’t the same Greenpeace activist now climb over the gates of the house of a sub-prime borrower and ask him to pay up?

No, Bono can’t save the world. So it’s left to ordinary people like you and me. Don’t ask what the banker can do for you; ask what you can do for the banker. Your neighborhood bank needs you. Sites such as buymyshitpile.com are already helping individuals to sell their bad assets such as “Hanson CD” and Shiny leather jackets to the government. Do something; Michael Jackson, show us the way.

And as I was passing through the metal detector gate while returning from Kuala Lumpur to Singapore today; while striking the Jesus Christ pose after the machine said “Peeeeeeeeeeeep”; I had my own revelation. The guardian angel of the seventh son of the seventh son of the economy told me in his holy voice that the best way to rev up the economy would be to create more and more countries within each country. He explained to me that if each district in Singapore was to be made into a country by itself, we would need to pass through immigration, customs and security while passing through each region. Just imagine the number of new jobs that would be created that way and so many industries would benefit, like those making immigration forms and machines that go “Peeeeeeeeeep”.

And if we can something like the “No Child Left Behind” act; why can’t the US congress pass something similar like a “All Bankers Left Behind” act? I mean, let all the bankers be left behind in office by law well after working hours, just like they used to do when the good times were a rollin’.