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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Why the Mumbai roads should never be repaired?

When I looked at the Western Express Highway, I made this crappy poem:

These are not roads;
These are pits for the toads

Now the High Court has asked the civic bodies to repair all the roads by November 15. At the same time, a (hypothetical) sting operation on these civic bodies by a cheap C grade news channel revealed the following discussions among their employees on why roads must never be repaired:

ABC Damle: Bad roads are good for health. Because of bad roads, traffic becomes extremely slow- and number of fatal accidents decrease sharply. Of course there is pollution- but pollution effects are very long term as opposed to a fatal crash.
ZMC Ghodpade: Bad roads are good for the society. Slow traffic and frequent halts mean that beggars get more opportunity to collect alms from passengers. Poor street vendors too have a better time.
MTCGH Srinivasalu: Bad roads are good for people's mental health. Verbal spats at traffic jams provide an opportunity to vent people's frustrations. Also since you reach home late, you miss those saas-bahu serials that are mostly about extreme bitterness between people.
Union member, Commie Basu: Perception of roads being bad has been created by the great capitalist imperialist conspiracy machine to create the misperception of equality between a opium struck proletariat and the bourgeoisie. (Since the poor and the middle class feel that even the rich suffer traffic jams equally).
ANC Shinde: Bad roads are essential to preserve Mumbai’s character. UNESCO should declare the Western Express Highway a Heritage site. Also bad roads increase the discomfort of Non-Mumbaikars during their greedy journey to Mumbai.
Lech Ramu: Bad roads are so good for us. Because of the bad roads, we got to see the celebrities up close, and even talked to them; when the celebrities organized that token procession against bad roads last month. When is the next celeb procession?
Spiritual guru of the civic bodies, Swami Roadananda: Bad roads are a mere reflection of the bigger malice present among every one of us. Buy a Sri Machine on the tele-shopping network, and roads shall be fine again...

P.S.: Please don’t sue me..This post is a figment of my imagination. And I blame it all on the C grade news channel.


Anonymous said...

Hilarious, The bit about declaring it a Heritage site was rich.

Unknown said...

Now you wait, till I send this piece to the BMC headquarters.

Nice one here...I have had some terrible experiences in the last few weeks travelling across the Western Express Highway.