Advertisement for the post of cricket coach for India

Zee news reported today that BCCI will put an advertisement to invite interest for the post of coach for the national cricket team of India. Since BCCI is an institute of national importance and security, I decided to help them by preparing a draft for this advertisement. Here it goes:

Applications are invited for the post of coach for the national cricket team of India. Responsibilities include staying in India for 8 months in a year and accompanying the cricket team on tours for 2-3 months in a year. The appointed coach will also have to give interviews to the press after every match, the script of which shall be provided in advance.

The candidate shall have the following qualifications:

• Should be of foreign origin (preferably Caucasian); Australians will be preferred since Indians including us perceive all Australians to be straight-mouthed
• Coach and his family should have no issues with spending 4-5 months in extreme hot and humid conditions of India
• Coach should be willing to wear BCCI provided t-shirts for key public events
• Should be willing and able to bear occasional slaps from cricket fans
• Able to communicate reasonably with players having different levels of English skills (from Sehwag to Ganguly)
• If chosen, will not refuse offer within 3 months from the date of announcement

The perks and benefits offered are the following:

• Salary no issue; negotiable for right candidate
• Western food to be provided during any trip with the team
• One fully paid trip to Taj Mahal, Kerala and Goa included
• One month acclimatization course provided to help understand Bengali sensibilities
• Laptop shall be provided
  

Please note that BCCI is not an equal opportunity employer. The team is always accompanied with a few whites like Physicians who can provide social company to the selected coach. Interested person may announce their willingness to be a candidate in their local TV channel or by sending an SMS to any of India’s news channels.