Behavioral scrutiny for airport security

Several airports are considering behavioral checks to identify terrorist suspects. Supposed experts would scrutinize the actions of passengers to identify signs of nervousness, confusion, stress or anything suspicious. These experts might also ask simple questions to identify signs of stress or anxiety. Such procedures are acclaimed to be more effective than usual airport security measures. Soon behavioral experts will be watching you, everywhere within the airport.

However, human rights bleeding hearts are concerned, as always, citing possibility of racial profiling. But there are other issues as well. For one, consider the plight of an Arab when he is asked about what Paris Hilton had done last night (this, any non-terrorist would definitely know)? Or consider those software engineers traveling within the US for the first time, looking confused, asking people for the way to a counter. Clumsy bees are in for trouble, would Forrest Gump be able to fly again? What if you are caught deviating from “normal” behavior? If you wish not to have fries together with the McBurger at the Airport McDonald, you are in for trouble. And how easy is it for the security expert to trap people if he wants to. Whose face won’t twitch if he is asked the size of his genitals? There you go, if you twitch, you are public enemy no 1. Only vegetables can travel without much hassle in this post 9/11 world.

But as with everything, people will soon find a solution. Indian travel agents, expert at advising people on how to get through VISA hassles; will start coaching people on how to behave when at airports. Airport etiquette classes will sprout everywhere. There will soon be self help books with titles like “Seven habits of highly effective fliers”, “You can fly”, and “Zen and the art of flying”. Frequent fliers might even consider getting removed the facial muscles responsible for that twitch. Dale Carnegie would soon start courses on Airport Talking. And what about terrorists? Well, Pakistani madrasas, prime suspect for spreading jihad, will start giving crash sermons on Paris Hilton too.

The Wright brothers were fortunate to have been born in a different era, if they were alive today, they would have never been able to fly (courtesy their clumsy behavior).