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Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The India-US nuclear deal for dummies

With the left parties withdrawing support from the central government on the issue of the nuclear deal, the political scenario in India has certainly become rather sophisticated. Just when we came to understand that we could leave behind issues of the future and focus more on issues of the past like who built Ram Setu, suddenly people are talking about things like India’s energy security. All the same, the common people have no clue about what the whole nuclear issue is all about. So here’s a crash course on the key aspects of the deal.

Does India really benefit from the deal: This is really debatable and the left parties are right about it being unnecessary as India already has a huge amount of nuclear fuel. During mythical times (Ramayana, Mahabharata), famous warriors had a huge arsenal of nuclear tipped arrows (Brahmastras). One of the largest stockpiles of these arrows was with Ashwathama who is reportedly still alive and has been seen around Delhi many times. The government just had to track him down and confiscate the enriched uranium in his stockpile instead of kowtowing to Bush.

Will the deal make India’s foreign policy subservient to that of US: No way, the US is least bothered about Biharis or North Indians in general staying in Mumbai. As such, they are unlikely to influence India’s foreign policy towards neighbouring countries like Uttar Pradesh and Bihar.

Should I be livid about the deal: Yes, but only after you have got past the traffic jam and found a parking space.

Why then are the communist parties so livid with the deal: That’s natural; after all, most communists are Bengalis. You see, in Bengali, the United States is known as Markin Yuktarashtra. No other country has such double names in Bengali. As such, it’s natural for Bengalis and the communists to distrust the Americans as deceitful.

So what is this deal is all about: Very few people know; including most of those who support it and oppose it. So if you can’t understand what all the fuss is about, don’t worry, no one else you know does. If the issue comes up for discussion in your social gatherings, take one side and defend it zealously. Then end the discussion by saying, “Anyway, all politicians suck” to prove your knowledge of current affairs.

Ok, this post is not really useful; so where can I know more about the deal: For that, you can check out this youtube video of Indian Idol contestants on “Deal ya no Deal


Anonymous said...

That was quite funny.

Trinaa said...

hilarious... :D :D..

Arvind Iyer said...

I haven't read the post yet, but I love your blog title!

Kiran said...

haha ... that was witty to say the least!

Anonymous said...

lolz...good one!

Anonymous said...

The bit on foreign policy towards Uttar Pradesh and Bihar is brilliant. :-)